Sometimes my life is very hard.  If I ever stop I'm almost certain I can't get it started again, so I press on.  Even when I don't feel like it or when I don't think i'm going to make a difference or even if I don't think I'm going it right, I have to keep moving.  There are people and things more important than me that are counting on me to at least try.  To make a way.  To lead, to guide.  To provide direction.  I'm so outside of myself that I can only look to hills; walking blindly toward His voice, hearing only Him "you can do it, go, go, go, just do it, you can do it, go, go, go" my biggest fan is my savior.  He knows what I sometimes struggle with believing -- Its Him doing it all through me and I'm nothing unless its through Him.

I lead a lonely life sometimes. I'm not supposed to say this.  I'm supposed to press on and work for the Lord and never pay attention to the fact that I feel small and alone some days

I rode the bus today with a lady who was quite happy in her singleness.  She said all of the words I've said before.  She had all the thoughts I've had before.  Yet somehow I've stopped believing it.  Scary thought.  I need to feel the way I've believed all of these years.  I can't afford to feel any different.