Dissappointments

Sometimes I wonder about my life.  I lead a small life.  Nothing I do matters beyond my kids and I don't feel I make very much of a difference in the world.  Not that I feel everyone else does, but only that I should.  You've heard of rose colored glasses.  I wonder if i have book colored glasses.  Is my vision colored by what I've read?  Or should I be the one doing the writing?  In my case I feel that knowledge is a crippling thing.  I know all there is to see and do out in the world I want to do it all.  I sometimes feel suffocated because I have done nothing, seen nothing and gone nowhere.  As if I'm drowning in a sea of impossible hopes and dreams.  I choke on the tears of my wasted years and the little time I have left to fulfill my dreams.  All the while wanting to show my kids the things I want to see.  Its a disappointing life really.  I'm disappointed. In my dreams, in my execution of them, in my imagination.  I'm a disappointment to myself.  I think I've had too much down time.  When you are running all day you hardly have time for such musings.  However, I've had plenty of time to just sit since I've been ill.  Idle hands really are a devil's workshop. 

Chin up me!